Book Review: The Life We Never Expected
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The Life We Never Expected
Book Author: Andrew and Rachel Wilson
Review Author: Erica
Melville Free Reformed Church
Pro Ecclesia Bookshop
Book Review
The Life We Never Expected: Hopeful Reflections on the Challenges of Parenting Children with Special Needs by Andrew and Rachel Wilson; 148 pages; Crossway; 2016
Several years ago, the Eucalypt column of Una Sancta published this book review. As the month of April is Autism Awareness Month, it is useful to republish this review on a book written by Christian parents who have two autistic children.
Oranges and chocolate. A group of friends are in a restaurant when during the meal the host hands out a present to everyone. On opening the gifts, the writer sees that everyone has been given orange chocolate. Smooth and delicious! He opens his gift and expects the same. However, his present is an orange, a real orange. Wrinkled skin, pith, tangy. He says “Finding out your children have special needs is kind of like being given an orange”.
This story is found in this book “The Life We Never Expected”. Andrew Wilson writes this book together with his wife Rachel, in which they grapple with the question “what do you do when hard or painful circumstances turn your world upside down, resulting in the life you never expected?” They have two young autistic children, who were diagnosed with regressive autism at the age of 3. This means that both children had been developing typically, but then started going in reverse, losing skills that they had learnt. In this book, the Wilsons give an honest look at the highs and lows of raising their children, filling the pages with stories of despair, hope, love and grace.
The book is written in five cycles with each section covering the cycle of weeping/worshipping/ waiting/witnessing and breathing. This pattern follows a meditation on Psalm 130, where the psalmist goes through a similar cycle in dealing with his own suffering. It is presented as a cycle, a pattern that is repeated throughout life, as different challenges and trials present themselves along the journey.
In an honest way, the authors describe their grief. Andrew isn’t ashamed to tell us that when the second diagnosis came, for his daughter, he “was overwhelmed by the most sweeping, drowning sense of pain and anguish I had ever experienced and…I wailed until I thought there was nothing left” (Lament, pg 55).
The Wilsons share lessons they have learnt, and continue to learn over again, as they fight for joy and thankfulness amid the daily struggles and trials. They write about loss, lament, hope, humility, contentment and grace and in all the pain, weariness, lack of sleep, tantrums, teeth grinding, appointments and repetition, they speak of finding that God is sufficient through it all.
Here are some quotes to pique your interest:
“We need to fight for our joy. My first job every morning is to get happy in God because until I am, I am of no use to anyone” (Fighting for Joy, pg 61). This chapter gives suggestions as to how we can find this joy.
“So I see it as my responsibility to cultivate thankfulness and crush bitterness wherever I can. That’s not just a question of personality. It’s about theology” (Thankfulness in a World of Entitlement, pg 84).
“Faith in future grace means trusting the Giver rather than the gifts. Instead of trusting the benefits, we receive… we trust the God who has brought them about. All these graces may fade, and every earthly gift will finally perish. But the Giver stands forever, and he will always keep on giving….” (Faith in Future Grace, pg 131).
This book is highly recommended, firstly, and obviously, for parents who have children with special needs. Secondly, for family and friends of those who are raising children with special needs. Thirdly, for the church community and beyond, to help you understand the struggles of parents who have children with special needs and how you might be able to help and pray for them. This book is also recommended for anyone who is suffering now, be it personally or alongside others, to be encouraged by the cycles of lament, worship, pray, wait and hope.
This book is for everyone. Buy it, read it, quote it, share it and discuss it, that you may be encouraged to love the members of your church community and to praise God for His all-sufficient grace. “I know that he will journey with us to the very end, at which point everything that is perishable and incomplete will be gloriously resurrected and healed. So I fix my eyes, not on what is seen but on what is unseen. And I take a deep breath” (Epilogue, pg 148).
Erica de Vos
This book review was organised by Pro Ecclesia Bookshop in conjunction with the Women’s League. This book is available from Pro Ecclesia bookshop, Armadale; Providence Christian books, Albany; (and Rockingham on request).