Book Review: Caring for Our Aging Parents
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Caring for Our Aging Parents
Book Author: Michele Howe
Review Author: Miriam
Baldivis Free Reformed Church
Pro Ecclesia Bookshop
Caring for Our Aging Parents
Lessons in Love, Loss & Letting Go
by Michele Howe 2016
‘Love is patient, love is kind.’
1 Corinthians 13:4
This book is a reflective journey through the ups and downs of caring for an elderly parent or friend, and the many challenges it can bring. The author wishes to encourage the reader to be smarter, wiser and become a more effective caregiver.
The author shares stories from her own life and those of her friends, who have dealt with the many varying aspects of caring and providing. It is an easy read; the stories are encouraging, heart-wrenching and incredibly impactful. Each chapter includes a story or example of a certain aspect of caring and then draws on Scripture to challenge our perspective or provide encouragement. She finishes each chapter with a ‘take away action thought’ and a prayer.
The author touches on topics like guilt and regrets, flexibility and boundaries, as well as knowing your place as a spiritual shoulder to lean on and how to act that out in grace. Through the stories, you will learn much about God’s plan for the role of caregiving, whether that might be tough love, mending broken relationships or just persevering in a difficult role that was God-given.
The first chapter shares a story of an elderly couple who are faced with a difficult terminal prognosis, but they continue to draw near to God as they have done their whole life. The daughter is surprised to find her parents at peace with the situation. The take-away from the story is, to not judge another person’s suffering in the way that you see it. We often can judge grief or stress because of how we feel about it, but when it comes to our parents, they may well see things differently. God’s grace is sufficient not only for you but also for those suffering. The author writes ‘before He calls them home, he may teach them some of their most important life lessons’. She adds ‘as bystanders to suffering; we’re called to support, pray and simply be there’.
She also delves into the varied scenarios of difficult relationships, past trauma & family discord and provides much comfort and perspective on these points. The chapter ‘Seeing older parents through the Lens of Grace’ tells the story of an old couple who lack the wisdom to see their own sin and how it affects their children, but more importantly how it may affect their salvation. Understandably old age can bring with it a change in character, but it does not negate the responsibility to be careful of speaking untruths and causing harm or hurt to relationships. The author reminds us that ‘none of us is immune to faulty thinking, sinful speech or a heart governed by ingratitude’.
The author is constantly pointing the reader to our God-given task, as it’s told to us in Romans 12. God there commands us to present ourselves as gift offerings for the Lord's will. Our availability and willingness are what God seeks; it is not our place to ask why, but how can we serve others.
After reading this book, it was clear that it is not only for those who have elderly parents, but it can also be useful for people in many different types of caregiver situations. Or for anyone trying to understand someone who may be in a caregiving situation no matter how short or long term it might be. I personally don’t believe in keeping a book on the shelf, not when it can be highlighted and shared around for the benefit of our fellow brothers or sisters. Caring for our Aging Parents is a book full of hope, the light of God’s word and His ever abounding grace and is well worth being shared around!
Miriam Pleiter, Baldivis
This book review was organised by Pro Ecclesia Bookshop in conjunction with the Women’s League. This book is available from Pro Ecclesia bookshop, Armadale; Providence Christian books, Albany; (and Rockingham on request).